


Anchor

by johnyongism



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Or is it requited?, Taeyong will be okay, Unrequited Love, idk how to tag sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-12 13:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19572955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnyongism/pseuds/johnyongism
Summary: Taeyong knew that loving Johnny had always felt normal to him. It felt right, as if he was programmed to do just that; to fall in love with the American boy with bright twinkling eyes that had nothing but good intentions and a kind heart.





	Anchor

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! ♡  
> This is my first fanfic ever. I know it’s bad but I just have to put this out there. I was sad the whole night and my brain just forced me to write this 1.5k of angst, now please suffer with me. Idk English, please if you notice a mistake just ignore it. Also Taeyong, I love you!!!

Taeyong loved Johnny. Taeyong loved Johnny so much that sometimes he wondered whether it was okay. At the same time Taeyong knew that loving Johnny had always felt normal to him. It felt right, as if he was programmed to do just that; to fall in love with the American boy with bright twinkling eyes that had nothing but good intentions and a kind heart. Taeyong loved Johnny as a friend at first, but he knew he stopped wanting to be “just friends” with Johnny years before.

  
Taeyong loved Johnny throughout all the years they spent together in the training rooms at the basement of the company building, he was Taeyong’s first friend after getting scouted. Taeyong loved Johnny even more when he debuted. Johnny was supportive in every way possible even though being left alone once again probably hurt him more than anything. Taeyong loved Johnny so much that he felt undeserving of what he was getting, thinking Johnny deserved it more which according to Johnny wasn’t true. They both deserved it just as much.

  
Taeyong knew he loved Johnny when he was announced to be debuting, in the same unit as him. Their manager had told him first since he was the leader of the group, had asked him to keep quiet until everything was finalized. He was ecstatic that he could barely sleep. He couldn’t look at Johnny for a few days as he was too excited to share the good news, he felt like he would have jumped into Johnny’s hug and cried if he did. He loved Johnny so much that it’s everything he’d hoped for; for Johnny’s hard-work to be acknowledged and to be together with Johnny most of the time.

—

Taeyong was so in love with Johnny that sometimes he could feel his heart melt when he saw Johnny, giving way for warmth and surges of emotions to fill it in. Taeyong loved Johnny even when he’s asleep, he’d dreamed of Johnny countless times. He’d dreamed about Johnny and his wide smile that made his cheeks look so adorable adorned by soft dimples. Sometimes his dreams got too raunchy that he’d wake up feeling disgusting with an obvious wet spot on the front of his pants. Those times, he would curse at himself because Johnny is his best friend. _Get a grip, Lee Taeyong!_

  
Most of the times though, Taeyong dreamed of Johnny returning his feelings. Every time he woke up after having another Johnny dream, he would pray to all the deities and stars above that he didn’t accidentally talk in his sleep and reveal the deep-rooted feelings he’d been harboring for too many years. He wasn’t a religious person but he did it anyway, and it got even worse when they became roommates again. They were once roommates during the trainee days, but he felt more anxious. He was happy, how could he not? But he was also very worried. Things are very different then. The first time, Taeyong hadn’t realized he loved Johnny unlike the second time around.

  
They had become roommates for two years now and it absolutely didn’t help Taeyong’s feelings at all. He thought being roommates with Johnny meant he’d eventually get accustomed with Johnny so his feelings would somehow turn mild and eventually dissipate. Maybe he could even find some things that would turn him off and make him lose all romantic feelings he had for Johnny. Well… He was wrong. As time went by, they only got even closer. He found out more things about Johnny, his weird habits that not everyone got to see. Instead of putting him off, it made his heart grow fonder. Taeyong was absolutely fucked.

  
When Johnny’s asleep, Taeyong would often just lie there for hours listening to him breathe in his sleep. They had a bunk bed and Taeyong’s was the bottom one. He had insisted to get the bottom bunk because “Johnny you’re taller and I’m afraid of heights”. This time was no different, he’s lying on his bed below Johnny. He thought about how lucky he was, how wonderful it was to have a best friend like Johnny. How amazing it was to be given an opportunity to meet and love someone as lovely as Johnny. How fantastic it would be if Johnny had loved him back. He knew Johnny didn’t love him that way, but he wished he did.

  
Wait, no. What was Taeyong thinking? He had convinced himself that it was okay if his feelings would always be unrequited. He had promised himself that things are going to be okay, he’s a big boy that could handle this issue like an adult. He knew he would probably be in love with Johnny in some way for as long as they both exist, but he had convinced himself that Johnny was his best friends and they would always have each other. Maybe later in life the both of them would meet people that would match them so perfectly that something beautiful would bloom, and it wouldn’t be unreciprocated like Taeyong’s love for Johnny. He had all of that carved into his brain, but at this moment all of that didn’t matter.

Taeyong suddenly felt the urge to tell Johnny that he loved him just to make everything clear. To relieve him from the unnecessary stress he’d been experiencing for the past few years. He wasn’t gonna expect any response from Johnny, he just wanted to get it off his chest. Johnny’s not even awake, he just wanted to say it out loud for at least once in his life time. He thought it’d help him manage his feelings better. He’s just realized that he really needed this.

  
Taeyong took a deep breath while keeping his eyes trained on the bunk bed above him. He could feel his eyes starting to sting from all the emotions that are washing over him. Taeyong was someone who’s always been good with words, but nothing else really came into his mind. He just knew he had to say something, or his chest was going to explode. _It would be quick_ , he thought to himself.

  
“Johnny…” Taeyong’s voice was so soft but supposedly loud enough to be heard from Johnny’s position. “Youngho, are you awake?” He waited for a few seconds and he didn’t get any response. Taeyong let out a shaky breath. He’s nervous, but maybe it really was the perfect time to confess his feelings; at 2 in the morning while the object of his affection who happened to be his bestest friend in the world was in a deep sleep. He tried again, “I never liked to think too much about this. I was going to keep this to myself forever, but I guess I couldn’t.” He could feel a tear rolled down the side of his face. “Johnny… My best friend Youngho. I don’t know if you noticed this, but I’m in love with you. I have been in love with you for the most part of our friendship.”

  
Taeyong paused to try to compose himself, he was really crying now. He’s not sobbing, but his eyes wouldn’t stop letting out streams of tears. Once he could regain some composure, he whispered again into the night. “I’ve loved you ever since you gave me the donuts for my first birthday as a trainee. You’re a lot of my firsts, Youngho. You were my first friend. You’re my first love, too. And I know you’re also my first heartbreak.” Once he got to talking, Taeyong couldn’t really stop himself. He was determined to let everything go all at once, so he decided to continue.

  
“Youngho, I think you’re an amazing person. You’re kind and you’ve helped me a lot. You coaxed me into opening myself up to people. You’re so friendly and you always knew what to say to people, a striking contrast to me. But you made me want to be better. You have a very comforting aura that just helps calm me down when I’m anxious. You’re my anchor, my soulmate. The one that gets me best. I’m grateful to have met you and be your friend.” Taeyong let out a chuckle. He knew he tasted bitterness in his tongue, but he’s ignoring it. “I’m truly happy to know you, Youngho. I will never regret our friendship. I’m sorry that I’m saying all this, even though you’re probably deep asleep, I’m still sorry. I’ll find ways to get over you, I will. Thank you for being my best friend.”

—

Taeyong didn’t remember falling asleep. Suddenly it was morning and he woke up with a set of swollen eyes, but with a lighter chest. The sun seeped through the window, illuminating the whole room with it’s warm glow. It’s a good day, he thought. He got off his bed and walked toward the window across the bed to stretch his back, and looked back at an empty top bunk. It was still messy, with a bunch of plushies scattered all over and the bed unmade. _It’s so Johnny_ , he thought. His mind wandered back to his confession from last night. He felt himself a blush, then he smiled. Johnny was never going to know what happened last night, but at least he did what he had to do for himself.

 _It’s going to be okay_ , Taeyong thought. _I’m going to be okay._

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re here, I’m sorry! I promise Taeyong will be okay. I’m thinking about continuing this and maybe we’ll see Johnny’s pov, but I don’t know. Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment and kudos if you did. :)


End file.
